HONK KONG, China - (Spoof News) - The Fortune Cookie News Agency has the chopstick scoop of the century! A massive lightning bolt has blasted The Happy Face Chopstick Factory and destroyed a staggering 2 million chopsticks. The factory's security…
DUCK PECKER, Michigan - (Science and Technology Satire) - Watchdog Now News reports that an extremely powerful lightning bolt struck Lake Crankshaft, and it immediately caught on fire. A local resident asked how in the world a lake can catch on fi…
TARANTULA TITS, Wyoming – (Satire News) – The Wyoming Department of Forestry & Animal Issues, is extremely concerned over the states 4 wildfires that are raging out-of-control. The main fire known as The Tongue of Freaking Satan Fire, was repo…
A man who was in the countryside, far from home, when a deluge threatened to soak himself and his family, has revealed he took refuge underneath a tamarind tree - even though this exposed them to the danger of being struck by lightning. Moys Kenwo...
At shortly before midnight on a frigid winter night, 32-year-old landscape painter and architectural renderer Vincent Heidelberg, of Lincoln, Nebraska, was struck by a bolt of inspiration – which rendered him dead. “It’s a shock and a tragedy,” sa…
President Trump is in critical condition at Bethesda Medical Hospital after being struck by lightning at 3:14pm at his Mara Lago Golf Course in Palms Springs Florida today. He was on the 9th hole when a light drizzling rain began to fall as the le...
MISSOULA, Montana - A ranch fence mender from Missoula, Montana has to be the luckiest man in the entire world. Guggenheim "Sparky" St. Parrot, has the distinction of having been struck by lightning a total of eight times. St. Parrot works mend...
A report by the Football Association has accidentally stumbled across information indicating that Sir Alex Ferguson is a Sith. The governing body was forced to launch an inquiry after various premiership clubs alleged that he had the ability to in...
Amid concerns that the new F35 'Lightning II' fighter jet can be exploded by lightning, and that the 'Rivet Joint' aircraft may be barely airworthy the armed forces have now been instructed to adhere to a stricter naming convention. Cuthbert Pomfr...
Boca Grande, Fl - A local man has offered a $200,000 reward to anyone who can find a way to make quieter thunderstorms. Morty Shafter, who describes himself as a retired marine biologist from New York, offered the reward after discovering Flo...
Boffins worldwide have been stunned by findings that suggest flying saucers can be explained by distressed male organs. Professor Cletus X Scrotum, of the Institute of Weird Science at Harvard, has been studying the phenomenon of UFOs for years an...
The popular TV giraffe called Hamley (RIP) stuck his neck out once too far, got struck by lightning and is now a stiff long-necked "stiff" giraffe. The freak accident happened on a Safari park in South Africa where Hamley was busy chewing on his f...
Long thought to be different names for the same eternal and fiery destination, Florida pornography producer, polygamist and convicted drug smuggler, Bernie Smurphwank says "not so". During a recent golf event, Smurphwank was struck by lightning on t...
After an hours-long standoff outside a hospital in Southwestern Ohio, it appears that the much beloved icon "Touchdown Jesus" has died from wounds inflicted by local police and sheriffs' deputies, as well as a National Guard unit that was called to t...
A 19 metres tall and 12 metres wide statue of Jesus Christ no longer stands after Jesus' relative, Mother Nature, was alleged to have been called in to "strike it down". In Ohio, locals were at a loss why a lightening strike choose there treasured...
Columbus Day tourists to the famed Lincoln Memorial fled in terror as the famous statue rose from it's perch after an errant lightning bolt struck it. Rising to a height of 28 feet tall, the bewildered behemoth lumbered forth smashing the Doric co...
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - With the cause of lightning supposedly still a matter of debate, and with theories ranging from the laughable to the somewhat plausible, San Francisco Onion staff writer and physicist Ginger Steele decided to weigh in on the matte...
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