Since no one can find Lukashenko, dictator and Putin puppet of Belarus, the good people of that country have decided to elect a log of wood as its leader. The log has promised sweeping reforms! All trees shall be protected and given equal right…
BEAVER LIPS, Oregon - (Satire News) - The oldest living tree in the world may have to be chopped down. The tree which is named "El Grande Guapo Arbol," is located in Oregon's famed Gusano Feo National Park. According to the nation's leading ex…
STALE BISCUIT, Tennessee - (Satire News) - The Volunteer State was the 16th state admitted into the union back on Thursday, June 1, 1796, at 2:15 am. The state is mainly noted for country music, Daisy Duke short shorts-clad hot, sexy babes, and mo…
A big proponent of energy conservation, Leon Mills of Nashville, Tennessee, prefers not to pick low-hanging fruit but instead to wait for it to fall to the ground. "It's riper that way, too," said Mills, who noted that biting into a less-than-ripe...
It seems that football (the round ball type for our US readers) in Scotland has become so boring local councils in the country have started turning football pitches into tree-growing areas! One council, Aberdeenshire, planted several trees on thei...
After watching the perennially criticized M. Knight Shayamalan film "The Happening" trees have been attempting to replicate the effects on humans from the movie, but thus far have only gotten some people to sneeze and cough a lot. Mountain cedar...
Toggles, a 4 year old German Shepherd, was found yesterday morning barking up the wrong tree. Mr. James Trifles of St. Clair, PA, expressed surprise and dismay all at the same time. "That damn dog. I don't know what I'm going to do with him. I lov...
Middle Of Nowhere, Montana - Doug Fir, a 200-year-old coniferous evergreen, took a tumble last week while enjoying his afternoon of standing in the same spot he'd been in his whole life thus far and swaying in the breeze. "The wind all of a sudde...
Harold Gillis told everyone gathered around him that he was sorry that he had cut down the wrong tree and crushed the old lady and several pigeons she was feeding. "Look, it could happen to any of us. We think the tree is going to fall a certain w...
COOS BAY, OREGON - Peggy Johnson is only 43, but she is the head of one of the newest and fastest growing women's organizations in the U.S. since Sue Ellen Cooper started The Red Hat Society was started in 1998. Johnson's organization is called "The Evergreen Gals", in reference to evergreen trees that have leaves in all four seasons. "Members of 'The Evergreen Gals' are dedicated to being...
Ever thought you'd like to live the outdoor life? Ever wondered what it would be like to live under the stars? Ever considered building a treehouse? Good, I hoped you say that! I've never built one, or even been in one, but how hard could it be? The first thing, I imagine, that you need to build a treehouse, is a tree. Without one, the idea just won't work. I was going to say "the proj...
Trafford council, the place where Nazis go to retire, have issued a court summons to the trees in the borough for littering. "I woke up the other morning," said council leader, Joseph Gerbils, "and there was rubbish all over my nice clean streets.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Vice-President Joe Biden has just made an announcement to the White House Press Corps. He said that he was told by the White House gardener that every single tree located on The White House grounds is infested with the pesky, no...
Moustaches suspected of being infected with the killer tash die-back fungus have been found in privately owned facial hair in many parts of Norfolk, Scotland and Wales. The potential that outbreaks of the fungus have been found in home-grown moust...
A 79 year old grandmother, known locally as the Cat Lady because of her habit of taking in thousands of homeless cats over the years, has climbed a giant Oak tree in her front yard and has refused to come down. Neighbors say that Mrs. Gloria Fel...
The Conundrum Club, London, 1895 Colonel Gulper (CG): This Carpetbag Steak's damned chewy, what? Reverend Milke (RM): With respect, Colonel, that is a carpetbag you've got on your plate. CG: What? Of course it's a carpetbag, you fool. I just said it was a carpetbag, a deuced chewy one, or are you going deaf in your old age, Reverend, what? RM: No, Colonel, that is a bag, a carpet bag.
Individual Replies to my Unsolicited Mail received over the last 10 days: From Southern Electric/Nottingham City Council: Offering me the chance of, Cavity Wall insulation @ only £49 Reply: "Thank you kindly for the unsolicited offer. I already have cavity wall insulation. However, should anyone ask me about such a service, I will undoubtedly pass on your colourful leaflet. From Eddieble P...
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