One of the world's most powerful drug cartels is recalling 17 tons of cocaine that had been shipped to the United States. It appears that the coke is tainted with a powerful insect spray named Insectasitosis Malo-13, that if ingested could make th…
DeSantis was caught with 100 kilos of high grade pure Columbian cocaine in his gym bag the other day, but he said he was “holding it for a friend”. The friend was with the ATF squad and had once played Goofy at Disneyland. DeSantis said that Mick…
The FBI has revealed that when (not IF) Donald Trump is arrested, they may tear down Mar-A-Lago entirely as they look for more secret documents and other illegal substances, especially in Don Junior’s bedroom, and Melania’s too. And Eric. And Tiffany…
Would anyone want a Pet Hippo? They are three tons of wet fun - but you have to live on a lake or river - or be put in a very large Hippo Pool. Colombian Drug Kingpin Pablo Escobar imported them to a Colombian river 10 years ago - when he ra…
EAGLE PASS, Texas - (Satire News) - United States Custom Agents report finding cocaine stuffed in a shipment of vibrators. US agent Mills R. Sunfax said that the coke was found in 200 vibrators that were in an 18-wheeler truck that was bound for M…
BUCKINGHAM PALACE - (Satire News) - The BBC is reporting that agents from Scotland Yard searched Queen Elizabeth's master royal bedroom and found traces of cocaine in her knickers drawer. Agent Borton Shipshire, 42, said that the value of the trac…
A man was recently spotted at the top of the Trump Tower in New York City. He was pretty high up so no one could see who he was or what he was going to do. But it was New York, so they chanted (with apologies to Van Halen) “Jump! Jump! Might as well…
MEDELLIN, Colombia - (Satire News) - The government of Colombia has just stated that their top export has just become sodium-free cocaine. Alejandro Silverio De Las Buenas, a spokesman for the government noted that after years of testing, retestin…
BOGOTA, Colombia - (Drug Satire) - The CIA is reporting that one of South America's leading drug cartels has just informed US drug dealers that they are recalling 19.2 tons of Amazon Nose Candy, which is one of the most potent cocaine drugs in the en…
Hello, God-loving people around the world, this is Suzie X, the Radical Cook, here to show you some happy new ways to use crack in every day foods. Oh golly, sure, those Republicans like to attack Hunter Biden for all his dirty habits (like they d…
Strange how, after Mar-A-Lago got raided by the feds, on TV one did not see Donald Trump Junior, but Eric Trump. Why Eric? A man who doesn’t seem to have much exposure on television or anywhere else – maybe ‘cuz daddy keeps him in the basement of Mar…
WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - The US Customs Agency is reporting that due to the cocaine shortage in Colombia, US drug dealers are having to resort to importing secondary cocaine from Portugal. The government of Portugal has expressed to the…
Mar-A-Lago insiders have whispered into this reporter’s ear the real reason why Mexico has rounded up a couple of major cocaine cartel Capos. Like Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzmán, who was tried in New York. Why there? Isn’t that where someone sometimes liv…
CALEXICO, California - (Sports Satire) - California has always been known as the innovational state, as far as drugs are concerned. The Left Coast state has come up with hundreds of different drugs that eventually make it to mainstream America.
KISSIMMEE, Florida - (Satire News) - The local PBS affifilate, Channel 89½ is reporting that a citrus grower has discovered an adult coconut tree growing in his tangerine orchard. The orchard owner, identified as Satchel Pennyfixx, 76, told Channe…
JUNGLE JIM, Cambodia - (Satire News) - Tabloid Today, which is based in California has just stated that Colombia is no longer the world's number one exporter of cocaine. For literally decades Colombia has put a lock on being the top country, as fa…
LONDON - (Satire News) - Shock waves are emanating throughout the United Kingdom and even into parts of Germany, after a long time palace guard at Buckingham Palace has been arrested for possession of drugs. The guard, who said his name was Shirle…
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